Blacks: You Wanted it; You Got it!

CHICAGO (CNN) -- The House of Reps on Tuesday passed a resolution apologizing to African-Americans for slavery and the era of Jim Crow.

While many states have apologized for slavery, it is the first time a branch of the federal government has done so, an aide to Cohen said.

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Text of Actual Address:

HOR (House of Reps): Yo our bad for the treatment of your forefathers. Our forefathers kinda (kind of) just got beside themselves for 500 plus years.

Blacks: Okay. Thank you for recognizing it our disgrace & shame, and your forefathers brutal acts towards us.

HOR: So we're straight?

Blacks: Yes, everything is fine. Thank you and goodnight.

HOR: Dang, that's all it took. Gees we could've done this crap years ago...

(Noise - pandemonium)

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Audio shuts off

The resolution does not address the controversial issue of reparations. Some members of the African-American community have called on lawmakers to give cash payments or other financial benefits to descendants of slaves as compensation for the suffering caused by slavery.

The House of Reps mention all restoration payment and financial benefits have been depleted towards victims of the Hurricane Katrina (not Funny, I know)

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It is not the first time lawmakers have apologized to an ethnic group for injustices.

In April, the Senate passed a resolution sponsored by Sen. Sam Brownback, R-Kansas, that apologized to Native Americans for "the many instances of violence, maltreatment and neglect."

In 1993 the Senate also passed a resolution apologizing for the "illegal overthrow" of the Kingdom of Hawaii in 1893.

In 1988, Congress passed and President Reagan signed an act apologizing to the 120,000 Japanese-Americans who were held in detention camps during World War II. The 60,000 detainees who were alive at the time each received $20,000 from the government.

But we're straight now? Right?

Chicago Funnies

Due Daniels

Is 50 Million from Europe ok King James?

I might consider it to, if a European based firm wanted me to come do a "European Funnies" for $50 Million for one year...yeah I'd at least consider it. Same thing a source close to Lebron James said about James playing professional basketball in Europe.

James' contract with the Cavs expires following the 2009-10 season. Given the limited salary cap space most any NBA team has to work with, paying $50 million a year for one player -- even James -- is unlikely.

Not in Europe, not with the Euro, and not with less taxes taken out. Previously the highest paid player for one year of basketball was Michael Jordan (remember him), who grossed a $40M meal ticket from the Chicago Bulls.

The website reports the Russian team CSKA Moscow and the Greek team Oympiakos have already contacted James, but no contractual talks have transpired.

Come talk to us "European Funnies" in the making...no more specifc... German Funnies...(not funny)


Chicago Funnies
Randall Watson

Mary Kate Olsen Drugged the Joker?

CHICAGO FUNNIES - The Feds want to ask Mary-Kate Olsen about how Heath Ledger got two powerful painkillers that were responsible to his accidental drug overdose death, but she's refusing to talk without immunity, a law enforcement official said Monday.

Many African Americans wish they knew the law like Mary-Kate, and get immunity. "I will tell you how the drugs got in his pocket if I get immunity (funny)." Not sure that's going to work any time soon.

Olsen's lawyer has twice refused requests for her to speak with investigators, said the official, who spoke on condition of anonymity because the investigation was ongoing. The lawyer, Michael C. Miller, said the "Full House" actress has nothing to do with the drugs, and has already told the government everything she knows.

"We have provided the government with relevant information including facts in the chronology of events surrounding Mr. Ledger's death," Miller said in a statement Monday, "and the fact that Ms. Olsen does not know the source of the drugs Mr. Ledger consumed."

The official confirmed a report that Olsen wants a promise of immunity from prosecution before speaking to the Drug Enforcement Administration. Olsen was a close friend of Ledger's, and was the first person called by a masseuse who found the 28-year-old "Dark Knight" actor's lifeless body in his Manhattan apartment.

-I didn't know that - she guilty...uh huh , she guilty (not funny). Not too fast, everyone is innocent until proven guilty in a court of law - but guilty until proven innocent in the minds of the average joe (including average joes at Chicago Funnies).

Hank Laiden

Farve Back with Green Bay Packers

This isn't funny to Chicago - Brett Favre, 3 time MVP is back with the GB Packers. Those in different countries may or may not know about the rivalry between the Bears and Packers - but what you may have heard is the ongoing events with Brett Farve coming out of retirement.

The Green Bay Packers called his bluff; and Farve wasn't bluffing. The big question now is will he be the main go-to-guy, or will the stuff the future hall of famer on the bench?

Aaron Rodgers, Farve's back up for the last 3 years says he is ready to compete this year:
"I’m a competitor. I’m going to compete,” Rodgers said after a scrimmage Sunday night. “This isn’t going to be easy. It’s going to be a dogfight. And I know if they do open it up to competition, not a lot of people give me a chance, but I believe in myself and I’m going to be the best I can be and let coach decide from there.”

Good luck with that. Packers can still trade Farve or make him eat on the bench - whatever the end result is Chicago Funnies want the Chicago Bears to beat the Packers, no matter who is leading them.

Chicago Funnies
Randall W.

Get Background on your Hired Hit Man

Feds say a Florida construction company owner attempted to hire a hit-man to murder an IRS agent to avoid paying $300,000 in taxes.

"A U.S. Treasury agent says in an affidavit that Randy Nowak in June agreed to pay an undercover FBI agent $20,000 to kill agent Christine Brandt, who was auditing him. Nowak thought the FBI agent was a hit man."

The FBI agent who went undercover said he knew he was in when Nowak forgot to ask for identification.

"I was mad at myself for actually taking my FBI badge to the initial meeting, but when he forgot to ask ID - I was like...I'm so in there," said the FBI Agent.

If you plan on hiring a hit man in the future - don't be intimidated to ask questions. Just because they are hit men doesn't mean they are so mean and tough (funny). Get your questions answered up front.

Chicago Funnies

Due Daniels

4 Year Slump in Workforce

The economy as we all know is taking a huge hit - the gas prices, the war, and the joblessness. Employment continued to fall in construction, manufacturing, and several service-providing industries,while health care and mining continued to add jobs.

The nation’s unemployment rate climbed to a four-year high of 5.7 percent in July as employers cut 51,000 jobs, dashing the hopes of an influx of youth & teens looking for summer work.

Payroll cuts weren’t as deep as the 72,000 predicted by economists, however, job losses for both May and June were smaller than previously reported. "July’s reductions marked the seventh straight month where employers eliminated jobs. The economy has lost a total of 463,00 jobs so far this year.

The biggest irony of it is that, with gas prices so high; I've heard people complain they can barely afford to go find work (not funny). It's not good to have something bad 4 years straight. More bad news is that it isn't going to get better any time soon.

All told, there were 8.8 million unemployed people in July, up from 7.1 million last year. The jobless rate last July stood at 4.7 percent. More job cuts are expected in coming months.

Chicago Funnies

Randall Watson

Los Angeles Earthquake

When I was younger, my older brother told me that thunder was the sound of angels fighting in Heaven. Made me think...then what is an earthquake? Maybe the other angel getting knocked to the ground (not funny). There was another Los Angeles earthquake today, so small they called it a "small sample."

A small sample of the big one coming some time in the future. Can you say, "get out of LA!"

A magnitude-5.4 earthquake shook the Los Angeles metropolitan area Tuesday, leaving residents rattled but causing no serious damage or injuries. This Los Angeles earthquake isn't scaring anybody in LA now, their worries are in the future.

"Every earthquake relieves some stress," Hutton said. "It's usually only a drop in the ocean. In other words, the amount of stress released by this earthquake is minuscule compared to the amount that's built up and is building up for the Big One when it happens some day in the future."

That was Kate Hutton, a seismologist at the California Institute of Technology.

We're happy to report no injuries or deaths.

Chicago Funnies

Hank Laiden

Ref Gets 15 Months

If you've ever wanted to get a ref for blowing a call - here is your chance... or not. Yesterday, attorneys for Tim Donaghy, the former NBA referee who admitted to betting on basketball games he officiated, filed a psychological "evaluation" that blames his crimes on compulsive gambling.

I hope he is not in jail roomed up with guy who bet on games he officiated (funny). Donaghy was suppose to have a more extensive sentence. His compulsive gambling was his plea.

The plea worked. Today, Donaghy was sentenced to 15 months in prison instead of the 27 to 33 months that had been expected. Note to everyone, do a crime have psychological behavior ready as your plea.

Chicago Funnies

Due Danielz