Stimulus Bill Passed

WASHINGTON – Financial institutions that received federal bailout money and paid large executive bonuses would be required to compensate taxpayers under the economic stimulus bill approved by the Senate.

The $838 billion measure includes an amendment penalizing companies that paid bonuses greater than $100,000 to executives after receiving government rescue funds last year. The amendment would require the companies to repay within four months any portion of the bonus above $100,000 or face an excise tax of 35 percent on the portion of the bonus above $100,000.

The Senate approved the stimulus bill 61-37 on Tuesday, setting up negotiations with the House, which passed a slightly different version last week.

Uh; when do I get my check so I can stimulate my mind; I mean the economy?

Randall Watson

Chicago Funnies

Erykay "Twitter Everything" Badu Gives Birth

We officially know that the Internet has changed the world. Blogging, twitter, and instant messaging addicts can take a back seat to my girl Erykah Badu!

That's right Eryka "don't forget the 'H' Badu welcomed her third child Sunday, her rep confirms to Usmagazine.com.

"Erykah gave birth to a baby girl at her home on February 1, 2009 at 1:30 p.m.," the rep tells Us. "The baby's father, [rapper] Jay Electronica, and her two children were in attendance.

"The Grammy-winning singer and Electronica sent Twitter messages throughout their daughter's birth, MTV News reports."Morning, I'm in labor," Badu announced to her 4,500 followers on Sunday.

The midwife got annoyed a few times as she asked for a push and Erykah responded, "bitch hold on I'm sending a twitter."

Electronica also announced that Erykah "I have my babies by rappers" Badu's daughter Puma, 7, with rapper D.O.C., and Seven, 10, her son with rapper/artist Andre 3000 , were present, and that he was writing updates while rubbing his girlfriend's feet.

This is an extraordinary story. Chicago Funnies congratulates Erykah "incoming live on TV; I mean the Internet play-by-by birth" Badu on her 3rd child.

Chicago Funnies

Randall Watson

Heart Break Hotel for the Cardinals

Bad news for the St. Louis Cardinals in there heart break loss to the Pittsburgh Pirates or Steelers rather. In what many thought was the comeback of a lifetime for Kurt Warner and wide receiver Larry Fitzgerald; they came up runners up.

They fought hard but came up short 27-23 at last nights super bowl contest. And we have a correction above, it is the Arizona Cardinals and not St. Louis.

The real story for today is that a host of Catholic priest cardinals decided to place a friendly wager on the game against inmates who were in jail for strong arm robbery, stealing.

So it was the 'stealers verse the cardinals. The winners were to switch settings for a week. I don't think those cardinals want to be inmates at all; but I'm sure the stealers won't mind being cardinals for day...

"Come to me my son, tell me where your bank account is...and your bed room..."

Randall Watson

Chicago Funnies

Governor Rod Blagojevich Is Out!

Rod R. Blagojevich is the 40Th governor of Illinois. He was first elected in 2002 and was re-elected in 2006. Blagojevich was born in Chicago in 1956. He graduated from Northwestern University in 1979 and earned his law degree from Pepperdine in 1983. Prior to being elected governor, Blagojevich was a Cook County Assistant State's Attorney. He was elected to the U.S. House of Representatives in 1996.

All this means nothing to the former Governor who was thrust out of office today.  For one or two hours today, I and the people of Illinois were without a a governor.  The senate voted him out 59-0!  Wow, Rod did not have a friend in the world.  You would think he had at least one senator or state rep to say, "Rod I got you main, 58-1 man..."

No; not one.  Now we in Illinois are without a king, without an ephod, without symbols.  A moment of silence for the ousted Gov...It's very disappoint... - shhhh!!!

View Rod on the View

Randall Watson

Chicago Funnies

Every Woman Wants to Be Her

It was a fantastic evening; the President was Inaugurated and sworn in and the parade took place standing in the cold; and finally the ball room dances.

Every guy wanted to be him; every woman wanted to Michelle.  They looked so nice and I was very happy and pleased with the occasion.  Congratulations to our new President and First Lady, Barack & Michelle Obama!!!!!!

Now if I can get my wife to clap for me once for anything, I promise to blog about how it felt so other normal guys can share my experience (hope she doesn't read this).

Chicago Funnies

Randall Watson

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Day

From Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. to President (Elect) Barack Obama; America and the world has seen a big change.

Chicago Funnies congratulates America in it's progression and salutes Dr. King for his struggle to impart civil rights in a country that was founded on civil rights and equal opportunity for all man kind.

These men are true leaders; true fighters for equality, and true African Americans (especially Obama -mom American, dad African).

Happy Martin Luther King Jr. day from Chicago Funnies.

Randall Watson

Height Conscious

This really isn't news but it was a funny thought in a photo and a helpful reminder to short guys and gals to be conscious of who they hang with and pose in a picture with.

~Grow Taller Today!~

If you remember the funny Katt Williams joke that when he met Shaq, he was starring directing at Shaq's...you know what.

At any rate, we thought this photo would give short people the awareness to know who they are posing in pictures with. This guy (in the red shirt on Lebron's right (your left)) posing next to NBA star Lebron James, finds himself pointing at Lebron's...well you know what (not funny for him).

This is just a public service announcement to be 'height conscious' or to have height awareness. Thank you.

Randall Watson
Chicago Funnies

What is Your Part-Time Job

What a story out of Poland where a man finds out his wife's unsuspecting part-time job.

WARSAW (Reuters) - A Polish man got the shock of his life when he visited a brothel and spotted his wife among the establishment's employees.

Economy woes goes global as polish man finds wife working at a brothel (whore house)...question is what were both of them doing there? Maybe she should of got that side gig as a grocery bagger instead of a man bagger (not even funny).

Times MUST be tough when your side job is being a prostitute...makes you wonder what is her full time job, a librarian (funny)? This is really taking letting the hair down after work to a new level!

We were able to get special transcripts of the husband and a co worker's conversation at his day job the day he found out his wife's unsuspecting job.

~Guys Get a Date Easily with These Tips~

Husband: Since my wife got this part time job I haven't gotten any play (sexual intimacy)!Coworker: Really? where does she work?

Husband: A grocery store, shes the demonstrator in the produce section
Coworker: She must be on her feet all day so probably just tired when she gets home

Husband: How tiring can showing people melons be? Any hoot, I'm heading home, got to make a stop before I get there, see you tomorrow
Coworker: Goodnight; and good luck.

Husband arrives at brothel on the way home:

Attendant: How can I help you?
Husband: What's the special?

Attendant: Well we have this new part time chick
Husband: Oh let me at her....

Wife enters

Husband: What are you doing here!!!!?
Wife: What are you doing here (covering up)!!!

Silence...

Husband: Well...You look good...we might as well do this one more time for the road!

The couple, married for 14 years, are now divorcing, the newspaper reported. What a surprise.


Randall Watson
Chicago Funnies