Bush "Indian-Gives" a Pardon

WASHINGTON – on Wednesday President George W. Bush revoked a pardon he had granted only a day before — a step unheard of in recent memory — after learning in news reports of political contributions to Republicans by the man's father and other information.

Bush pardoned 19 people on Tuesday, including Isaac Robert Toussie of Brooklyn, N.Y., who had been convicted of making false statementsto the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development and of mail fraud. On Wednesday, the White House issued an extraordinary statement saying the president was reversing his decision in Toussie's case.

If this isn't getting the wool pulled over your eyes; I don't know what is.  You are promised a pardon then you're told to, "it ain't going to happen pal," by the man who recently had two size ten shoes thrown at him.  What's that like in the slammer?

If getting a pardon out of jail is anything like winning the lottery on your job this isn't going to be pretty.  I remember when I thought I won the lottery; I bought cake with a lot of whip cream, and I brought in a bunch of stink bombs.  I pretended to have a very special announcement to tell my boss and co workers along with the 'higher ups' and I took the cake and splat it in my bosses face.

Then I went around the room in a monologue that insulted every co worker I didn't like and my rant didn't end there.  I told the 'higher ups' they should come down and visit more often because they stink up there; and I proceeded to let off my stink bombs.  Lastly, I told them if they hadn't noticed, "I'm quitting." I jumped upon the table and did various 80s dances as I stormed out the room.

When I went home and read the numbers again; I realized I was in a bit of a jam.  I hadn't won the lotto (hence why I'm working for the Chicago Funnies).  To go back to work the next day; I went straight to the boss and said I meant everything I said yesterday, but I was filled with joy and free emotion.  I told him "I had won the lottery and would no longer NEED to work here; but that it doesn't mean I should turn into a snobbish idiot over it.  I'd like to keep working for a little while until the money makes no sense to keep coming."  He agreed; but the 'higher ups' couldn't deal with it and fired my ass a week later.

So I'm trying to imagine Isaac Robert Toussie of Brooklyn, N.Y as he was told about his pardon; what did he tell fellow inmates.  If he did anything like me; and now has his pardon revoked; I don't even want to know his welcome back speech (not funny).  He's lucky he did a white collar crime it may be easier to cope with.

Randall Watson

Chicago Funnies

Duck Down Mr. President

BAGHDAD, Iraq (CNN) -- A man identified as an Iraqi journalist threw shoes at -- but missed -- President Bush during a news conference Sunday evening in Baghdad, where Bush was making a farewell visit.

This is pretty funny news coming in from Baghdad; a journalist went wild. Bush nonetheless showed that he is still as quick as a cat in how he ducked down from both size ten shoes.

The journalist after he was taken away told reporters he was hoping the US President would sign his shoes for his kids to have and didn't realize he had tossed the shoe that hard. The journalist said, "I thought baseball was the American past time; and Mr. Bush the President couldn't catch a simple toss!"

The President was fine, even joked about it saying, "I told him to toss it; and he flung it; and he didn't tell me he had two kids; and that I'd be signing two shoes."

We're just happy the Iraqi prime minister tried to catch the shoe but his tightly tailored suit restricted his reach.

Due Daniels reporting

Chicago Funnies

Government Bail Out Plan

The country is in a crisis, a deep financial crisis. So bad it can be worse than the 1929 great depression. Democrats and Republicans have made “tremendous progress” in negotiations over a $700 billion rescue for Wall Street, and a plan could be in place before financial markets open on Monday morning, according to a leading Democrat. If the problem isn't fixed banks will have no money to loan, and people won't be able to borrow money because; no one has money to loan.

Frankly, I hope the $700 million dollar bail out fails. Why? It would put everybody on an equal playing field. I see people driving cars they can't afford, yet because a thirty loan shark or even a well satisfied loan shark approved them; they go out rolling in style which makes them believe they have money. It leads to what they call in sociology, the vicious cycle. You continue to buy and buy, even though you're not really buying, till you run into a huge problem, then you need a "government bail out plan." We call it chapter 7 or 13 - bankruptcy.

I say let the bail out fail; and force people to actually buy what they can buy. Not borrow what they will pay back later periodically. Just like you can go into a store and buy a $15.99 dollar pair of jeans, you should go into a car dealership and buy a $12,999 dollar car - CASH. And if you can't you freaking don't have a car. Yeah I said it. What would people do then you ask. Catch the train, or rent a car; just as you would rent a house or apartment. Problem solved.

So I hope the bail out fails so that everyone is on the same playing level. Some folks can go into the BMW lot and buy a car cash, most can't. Save your money, juggle it, manage it well to get yourself to the next level. The government bail out plan is exactly what they called it. A bail out; not a thorough solution.

Chicago Funnies

Due Daniels

Yarns at Republican National Convention

After God intervene the beginning of their convention; the republicans continued on. President Bush attempted to push McCain forward by insulting himself slightly. Stating that McCain let's you know when he disagrees with you, President Bush saying he knows first hand. President Bush, everyone disagrees with you (funny).

If emotions work in regular old marketing and sales, then why wouldn't politicians use it to get into office? McCain's camp certainly using it by stressing how he was a POW, how he was injured and stayed enlisted, blah blah blah. I don't understand how that is important in how he will orchestrate this country? Can someone tell me how, getting shot down will make you a better Presidential candidate.

I may try that at my next job interview - I was shot by a worker who went postal..."I'm ready to be CEO and lead this company." Dude you worked in the mail room.

They even use this in the streets; I should be the 'top dawg' because I was shot 5 times. Really, you should have ran or been shooting back and not been shot. So the republicans are using the emotional-card (as are democrats) of McCain fighting in war as a reason to be president.

To me their convention is kind of boring; but they are a different party so they may do things differently. Reporting, not live - Chicago Funnies

Randy Watson

Russia Bullying Georgia: Says President Bush

"When will you stop taking my lunch money," one kid ask? The other kid says, "if you bring me $200 I will leave you alone."

"Deal, says the one kid." He brings him the $200 bucks and they part. Immediately the next day the other kid says; "buy me lunch today."

This is the conversation between Russia (the other kid) and Georgia (the kid).

It's the age old bully verse classmates. And now it has received the attention of President Bush. Uh oh. The last time he intervened in another country's dispute, we are still disputing (not funny).

The president said the Cold War is over and that a contentious relationship with the United States is not in Russia's interests. Bush said "bullying and intimidation are not acceptable ways to conduct foreign policy in the 21st century."

Seemed to work in Iraq? No one knows where this is going; but hopefully not into another war.

I'm Randall Watson

Chicago Funnies