Bush "Indian-Gives" a Pardon

WASHINGTON – on Wednesday President George W. Bush revoked a pardon he had granted only a day before — a step unheard of in recent memory — after learning in news reports of political contributions to Republicans by the man's father and other information.

Bush pardoned 19 people on Tuesday, including Isaac Robert Toussie of Brooklyn, N.Y., who had been convicted of making false statementsto the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development and of mail fraud. On Wednesday, the White House issued an extraordinary statement saying the president was reversing his decision in Toussie's case.

If this isn't getting the wool pulled over your eyes; I don't know what is.  You are promised a pardon then you're told to, "it ain't going to happen pal," by the man who recently had two size ten shoes thrown at him.  What's that like in the slammer?

If getting a pardon out of jail is anything like winning the lottery on your job this isn't going to be pretty.  I remember when I thought I won the lottery; I bought cake with a lot of whip cream, and I brought in a bunch of stink bombs.  I pretended to have a very special announcement to tell my boss and co workers along with the 'higher ups' and I took the cake and splat it in my bosses face.

Then I went around the room in a monologue that insulted every co worker I didn't like and my rant didn't end there.  I told the 'higher ups' they should come down and visit more often because they stink up there; and I proceeded to let off my stink bombs.  Lastly, I told them if they hadn't noticed, "I'm quitting." I jumped upon the table and did various 80s dances as I stormed out the room.

When I went home and read the numbers again; I realized I was in a bit of a jam.  I hadn't won the lotto (hence why I'm working for the Chicago Funnies).  To go back to work the next day; I went straight to the boss and said I meant everything I said yesterday, but I was filled with joy and free emotion.  I told him "I had won the lottery and would no longer NEED to work here; but that it doesn't mean I should turn into a snobbish idiot over it.  I'd like to keep working for a little while until the money makes no sense to keep coming."  He agreed; but the 'higher ups' couldn't deal with it and fired my ass a week later.

So I'm trying to imagine Isaac Robert Toussie of Brooklyn, N.Y as he was told about his pardon; what did he tell fellow inmates.  If he did anything like me; and now has his pardon revoked; I don't even want to know his welcome back speech (not funny).  He's lucky he did a white collar crime it may be easier to cope with.

Randall Watson

Chicago Funnies

Duck Down Mr. President

BAGHDAD, Iraq (CNN) -- A man identified as an Iraqi journalist threw shoes at -- but missed -- President Bush during a news conference Sunday evening in Baghdad, where Bush was making a farewell visit.

This is pretty funny news coming in from Baghdad; a journalist went wild. Bush nonetheless showed that he is still as quick as a cat in how he ducked down from both size ten shoes.

The journalist after he was taken away told reporters he was hoping the US President would sign his shoes for his kids to have and didn't realize he had tossed the shoe that hard. The journalist said, "I thought baseball was the American past time; and Mr. Bush the President couldn't catch a simple toss!"

The President was fine, even joked about it saying, "I told him to toss it; and he flung it; and he didn't tell me he had two kids; and that I'd be signing two shoes."

We're just happy the Iraqi prime minister tried to catch the shoe but his tightly tailored suit restricted his reach.

Due Daniels reporting

Chicago Funnies

Russia Bullying Georgia: Says President Bush

"When will you stop taking my lunch money," one kid ask? The other kid says, "if you bring me $200 I will leave you alone."

"Deal, says the one kid." He brings him the $200 bucks and they part. Immediately the next day the other kid says; "buy me lunch today."

This is the conversation between Russia (the other kid) and Georgia (the kid).

It's the age old bully verse classmates. And now it has received the attention of President Bush. Uh oh. The last time he intervened in another country's dispute, we are still disputing (not funny).

The president said the Cold War is over and that a contentious relationship with the United States is not in Russia's interests. Bush said "bullying and intimidation are not acceptable ways to conduct foreign policy in the 21st century."

Seemed to work in Iraq? No one knows where this is going; but hopefully not into another war.

I'm Randall Watson

Chicago Funnies