What is Your Part-Time Job

What a story out of Poland where a man finds out his wife's unsuspecting part-time job.

WARSAW (Reuters) - A Polish man got the shock of his life when he visited a brothel and spotted his wife among the establishment's employees.

Economy woes goes global as polish man finds wife working at a brothel (whore house)...question is what were both of them doing there? Maybe she should of got that side gig as a grocery bagger instead of a man bagger (not even funny).

Times MUST be tough when your side job is being a prostitute...makes you wonder what is her full time job, a librarian (funny)? This is really taking letting the hair down after work to a new level!

We were able to get special transcripts of the husband and a co worker's conversation at his day job the day he found out his wife's unsuspecting job.

~Guys Get a Date Easily with These Tips~

Husband: Since my wife got this part time job I haven't gotten any play (sexual intimacy)!Coworker: Really? where does she work?

Husband: A grocery store, shes the demonstrator in the produce section
Coworker: She must be on her feet all day so probably just tired when she gets home

Husband: How tiring can showing people melons be? Any hoot, I'm heading home, got to make a stop before I get there, see you tomorrow
Coworker: Goodnight; and good luck.

Husband arrives at brothel on the way home:

Attendant: How can I help you?
Husband: What's the special?

Attendant: Well we have this new part time chick
Husband: Oh let me at her....

Wife enters

Husband: What are you doing here!!!!?
Wife: What are you doing here (covering up)!!!

Silence...

Husband: Well...You look good...we might as well do this one more time for the road!

The couple, married for 14 years, are now divorcing, the newspaper reported. What a surprise.


Randall Watson
Chicago Funnies

Mr. Roland Burris with Dirt on His Shoulder

Happy New Year; first blog of the year starts with a scandal...yeah I know right!

Roland Burris was appointed by the scandal plagued Governor Rod Blagojevich.  This has created an uproar within the state, the democratic party, nationally, even in my home.

It's just a weird situation.  Rod is innocent until proven guilty but to allow him to pick is risky.  What if he is found guilty?  Do we revolt Burris?

This is the scenario I have played in my head.  You have Lucifer in heaven and corruption is found in him and he is going to be removed from his seat.  Before he leaves, he appoints another demon because that was his job.  

Now I'm not calling the governor Lucifer or Satan; and I'm not calling Roland Burris a demon.  I actually like both of these guys.  However; I am saying the situation is similar to the one found in Revelation 12 (Bible class is coming in handy here).

Would God let Satan make that pick?  Different government; different beings, I know.  In this current case, because the way the government is ran; Governor Rod Blagojevich still has this power no matter how corrupt he's been and we have to go along with it; business as usual.

At worse, in my opinion, of the candidates heard on the FBI spy taps; they should not be an option; but after that if the Governor selects a well qualified man or woman; I think it should fly.  Until he is proven guilty he is signing other bills right?  Tell me what you think?

Due Daniels

Chicago Funnies

Billionaire to Soup Kitchen

Well not exactly; you see with the climate of the economy, certain billionaires around the globe took a harsh beating like many poor folks have.

This Yahoo finance article about who took the harsh hit (that are billionaires), made me think are they in the soup kitchen line for billionaires?

I don't think so.  I think they are doing just fine.  If you are a billionaire and you lost half your trappings; you are still a good sized millionaire.  You are not going to the soup kitchen.  But maybe the "oops kitchen."

~Double Your Stocks w/Marl~

Losing money is losing money.  They are getting the same gray hairs I get when I lose or can't find five dollars I misplaced.  Check out the list of the biggest billionaire losers... see if you're on it.  If you are a reader of Chicago Funnies; I can assure you are not quite a billionaire!

If you are; please write in or leave a comment and as always love donations are accepted.  

Richard Provenzano

Chicago Funnies

Virginity Pledges Don't Work!

Teenagers who pledge to remain virgins until marriage are just as likely to have premarital sex as those who do not promise abstinence and are significantly less likely to use condoms and other forms of birth control when they do, according to a study released today.

Nike has won again in the war of what to do. "Just do it" is a popular slogan in which NIKE urges people to do predominantly when it comes to buying their shoes. However, when playing sports in there shoes, Nike urges all to 'just do it' when it comes to winning or being successful or doing what your gut is telling you.

From this study, we see since promises are always meant to be broken; promising to be abstinent till marriage does not work (at least in the western world).

And what is worse is that those who do make pledges are more likely to not use condoms and such when they do engage. This is probably because they feel like that person is going to be their husband. I have news for you, everyone is not honorable, and every one is not a thief. People break written contracts (you know...have you heard of foreclosure), so of course they will break verbal agreements.

In serious spiritual groups they work because you are pledging to God; but pledging to yourself... "gimme a break" like Neil Carter.

"Yeah baby, I'm going to be with you forever, let's have sex." - Two minutes later

"Uh baby I gotta go to the store." Never seen again, of course unless he wants to re-up. If you don't want to have sex, leave the attention alone of trying to be in a virginity pledge, and just do it with your fruits.

Randall Watson
Chicago Funnies

Bush "Indian-Gives" a Pardon

WASHINGTON – on Wednesday President George W. Bush revoked a pardon he had granted only a day before — a step unheard of in recent memory — after learning in news reports of political contributions to Republicans by the man's father and other information.

Bush pardoned 19 people on Tuesday, including Isaac Robert Toussie of Brooklyn, N.Y., who had been convicted of making false statementsto the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development and of mail fraud. On Wednesday, the White House issued an extraordinary statement saying the president was reversing his decision in Toussie's case.

If this isn't getting the wool pulled over your eyes; I don't know what is.  You are promised a pardon then you're told to, "it ain't going to happen pal," by the man who recently had two size ten shoes thrown at him.  What's that like in the slammer?

If getting a pardon out of jail is anything like winning the lottery on your job this isn't going to be pretty.  I remember when I thought I won the lottery; I bought cake with a lot of whip cream, and I brought in a bunch of stink bombs.  I pretended to have a very special announcement to tell my boss and co workers along with the 'higher ups' and I took the cake and splat it in my bosses face.

Then I went around the room in a monologue that insulted every co worker I didn't like and my rant didn't end there.  I told the 'higher ups' they should come down and visit more often because they stink up there; and I proceeded to let off my stink bombs.  Lastly, I told them if they hadn't noticed, "I'm quitting." I jumped upon the table and did various 80s dances as I stormed out the room.

When I went home and read the numbers again; I realized I was in a bit of a jam.  I hadn't won the lotto (hence why I'm working for the Chicago Funnies).  To go back to work the next day; I went straight to the boss and said I meant everything I said yesterday, but I was filled with joy and free emotion.  I told him "I had won the lottery and would no longer NEED to work here; but that it doesn't mean I should turn into a snobbish idiot over it.  I'd like to keep working for a little while until the money makes no sense to keep coming."  He agreed; but the 'higher ups' couldn't deal with it and fired my ass a week later.

So I'm trying to imagine Isaac Robert Toussie of Brooklyn, N.Y as he was told about his pardon; what did he tell fellow inmates.  If he did anything like me; and now has his pardon revoked; I don't even want to know his welcome back speech (not funny).  He's lucky he did a white collar crime it may be easier to cope with.

Randall Watson

Chicago Funnies

Which Way Did It Go...

WASHINGTON – It's something any bank would demand to know before handing out a loan: Where's the money going? But after receiving billions in aid from U.S. taxpayers, the nation's largest banks say they can't track exactly how they're spending the money or they simply refuse to discuss it.

"We've lent some of it. We've not lent some of it. We've not given any accounting of, 'Here's how we're doing it,'" said Thomas Kelly, a spokesman for JPMorgan Chase, which received $25 billion in emergency bailout money. "We have not disclosed that to the public. We're declining to."

Banks are not telling where the money is going.  I thought this was weird; it's kinda weird right?  I bail you out of a jam with cash and you don't have to tell me what you're doing with the money?  "Hey Randy; I need 5,000 dollars because my home has a roof problem."  "Okay here's 5k."

"So did you get that roof fixed?"  "Uh not yet!"

"Are you working on it at least?"  "Uh you don't need to know the accounting on where I spend the money you loan me.!"

If that conversation makes sense; then by all means keep it coming.

But no bank provided even the most basic accounting for the federal money.

"We're choosing not to disclose that," said Kevin Heine, spokesman for Bank of New York Mellon, which received about $3 billion.

They are choosing not to disclose.  Probably will show that the CEO has two or ten new cars and jets; and his daughter just got the biggest sweet sixteen party thrown for her...

I guess this is what the people want.  The Feds have been sticking it to people in the past; the banks are just getting them back (with our money) for us.  Way to go Banks.

Randall Watson

Chicago Funnies

Duck Down Mr. President

BAGHDAD, Iraq (CNN) -- A man identified as an Iraqi journalist threw shoes at -- but missed -- President Bush during a news conference Sunday evening in Baghdad, where Bush was making a farewell visit.

This is pretty funny news coming in from Baghdad; a journalist went wild. Bush nonetheless showed that he is still as quick as a cat in how he ducked down from both size ten shoes.

The journalist after he was taken away told reporters he was hoping the US President would sign his shoes for his kids to have and didn't realize he had tossed the shoe that hard. The journalist said, "I thought baseball was the American past time; and Mr. Bush the President couldn't catch a simple toss!"

The President was fine, even joked about it saying, "I told him to toss it; and he flung it; and he didn't tell me he had two kids; and that I'd be signing two shoes."

We're just happy the Iraqi prime minister tried to catch the shoe but his tightly tailored suit restricted his reach.

Due Daniels reporting

Chicago Funnies

The Rod is not Always the Way

There use to be a saying that said, "The Rod the Way," those who are familiar with the Bible know that the rod of Moses and every child of Israel represented God leading them.

Well not this "Rod!" Governor Rod Blagojevich and his sudden mishaps has brought a spongy grungy dark cloud over Illinois and it's politics.

It's not like everyone is squeaky clean in politics. I mean if Jesus said to all the politics in Chicago and Illinois that are pointing the finger "all who are without sin cast the first stone," I wouldn't be surprised if everyone slowly walks away now.

That's my problem with the media making it bigger than it is.

Yes if he orchestrated a "pay-to-play" model for the replacement of President-elect Barack Obama's senate seat; he should be removed.

But I want to remind everyone how hard Eliot Spitzer went after public officials and took people down for the same things he ended up having to step down for.

I don't deal with politics much because I felt it wasn't anything I could change; this presidential election has been only my second time voting; I rarely go to town hall meetings, and I don't pay much attention to politics (I did watch how they presented themselves on TV - you know the good image up front; do your dirty stuff when the camera is on pause (funny)).

It's probably why we have the politicians we have because people like me were not paying attention to who gets into office.

We really need to be very careful of who we put in our government and watch them as close as we would watch ourselves. I never forget when I had a radio show and my buddy Dred Jones would come on and say something along the lines of, the government is crooked because we get our leaders from among the people...the people who are crooked.

If you reach in a bag full of rotten apples; the best looking apple in that bag is still rotten.

We have to expect that dirty is dirty. The people have to get clean so we can put clean people in office to govern us. The Rod is the Way, not Rod Blagojevich's way.

DueRod Daniels reporting/commenting

Chicago Funnies