Yarns at Republican National Convention

After God intervene the beginning of their convention; the republicans continued on. President Bush attempted to push McCain forward by insulting himself slightly. Stating that McCain let's you know when he disagrees with you, President Bush saying he knows first hand. President Bush, everyone disagrees with you (funny).

If emotions work in regular old marketing and sales, then why wouldn't politicians use it to get into office? McCain's camp certainly using it by stressing how he was a POW, how he was injured and stayed enlisted, blah blah blah. I don't understand how that is important in how he will orchestrate this country? Can someone tell me how, getting shot down will make you a better Presidential candidate.

I may try that at my next job interview - I was shot by a worker who went postal..."I'm ready to be CEO and lead this company." Dude you worked in the mail room.

They even use this in the streets; I should be the 'top dawg' because I was shot 5 times. Really, you should have ran or been shooting back and not been shot. So the republicans are using the emotional-card (as are democrats) of McCain fighting in war as a reason to be president.

To me their convention is kind of boring; but they are a different party so they may do things differently. Reporting, not live - Chicago Funnies

Randy Watson

Barack Obama Accepts Nomination

Sen. Barack Obama of Illinois accepted the Democratic presidential nomination Thursday night, declaring that Sen. John McCain of Arizona, his Republican opponent, was not up to the task of resolving America’s economic and foreign policy problems. The main argument was that McCain's supports 90% of President Bush's administration and policies.

Does the country want a 10% change or 100% change? That is the question!

“Tonight, tonight, I say to the people of America, to Democrats and Republicans and independents across this great land — enough!” Obama declared as thousands of flash bulbs popped in the Denver Broncos’ stadium. It is enough. Enough hood-winking.

As a presumptive presidential nominee, Obama selected Delaware Senator Joe Biden, a foreign and national security affairs veteran, as his running mate. The pair won their nominations on Aug. 27 at the national convention.

After delivering a speech to an audience of tens of thousands, he announced the decision to accept the nomination and become the first minority presidential candidate of a major party. It was joyous and exciting, and emotional as many teared up in the packed stadium. This is history and it was made.



Chicago Funnies
Due Daniels

Greatest Athlete of All Times...

In a speech to his University of North Dakota graduates, Phil Jackson, the coach of the Chicago Bears...excuse me, Bulls, my bad (where's my editor?), Los Angeles Lakers gave who he said was the greatest athlete he has coached.

Normally we would think, Michael Jordan, Kobe Bryant, Shaq O'Neal among others. No! The greatest athlete Phil Jackson has ever coached goes by the nickname, "the Worm." Yes, Dennis Rodman got his vote.

So that makes me think - what is an athlete. We have people hailing Tiger Woods as the greatest athlete. All Tiger does is swing a pair of clubs, then either drives or walks to his destination. A good cab driver could handle that (funny).

What about baseball players? I don't even consider them athletes. Okay, good eye-hand coordination, but you're only in full action when you're running to the bases. Baseball players are like police officers. In a month, police have maybe one on-foot chase...maybe. So let's do the baseball round off - 25% average batting average; so you're getting on based one out of four times...no real athleticism in that. It's right up there with golf and the WWF...that's right entertainment.

Real athletes are the Michael Phelps, Usain Bolt, Dewayne Wade, Serena Williams (hot mama too) etc, guys who are constantly able to perform at high levels - and literally do what other cannot. So Phil, I agree - Dennis Rodman could play the 48Th minute of a game stronger than the 1st minute; which is pure athleticism.

Chicago Funnies

Randall Watson

Nothing Funny Lately

It has been a couple days and there is simply nothing funny lately. Well, sure there is as millions have laughed over the last 49 hours, but nothing so funny that the infamous Chicago Funnies have decided to write. Please accept our patience.

No other publication comes out and plainly tells you they have nothing to write about except the Chicago Funnies (still not funny).


I'm Randall Watson reporting
Chicago Funnies

Russia Bullying Georgia: Says President Bush

"When will you stop taking my lunch money," one kid ask? The other kid says, "if you bring me $200 I will leave you alone."

"Deal, says the one kid." He brings him the $200 bucks and they part. Immediately the next day the other kid says; "buy me lunch today."

This is the conversation between Russia (the other kid) and Georgia (the kid).

It's the age old bully verse classmates. And now it has received the attention of President Bush. Uh oh. The last time he intervened in another country's dispute, we are still disputing (not funny).

The president said the Cold War is over and that a contentious relationship with the United States is not in Russia's interests. Bush said "bullying and intimidation are not acceptable ways to conduct foreign policy in the 21st century."

Seemed to work in Iraq? No one knows where this is going; but hopefully not into another war.

I'm Randall Watson

Chicago Funnies

Catholics settle over $12 Million Dollars

CHICAGO Funnies (AP) — The Archdiocese of Chicago said Tuesday it had agreed to pay more than $12.6 million to settle lawsuits by 16 people who accused priests of sexual abuse, and it made public a candid deposition in the case by Cardinal Francis George.

This is disturbing that men who claim to be the ministers for God are out here abusing little boys. Let us forget getting compensated for these lewd actions, why are priest doing this. I would say abolish the rule that priest can't and shouldn't be married; but these priest mainly abuse young boys.

"My hope is that these settlements will help the survivors and their families begin to heal and move forward," George said in a separate statement in which he also apologized for the abuse.

We all guess...


Chicago Funnies
Randall Watson

Chicago Loses it's Funny Man

CHICAGO - Chicago Funnies actually has a topic not funny. The death of a Chicago funny comedian. Bernie Mac past away on Saturday morning in Chicago.

Bernie Mac’s wife and daughter were with him until the very end, says the late comics sister-in-law in a personal and touching interview with PEOPLE that took place Saturday.

Speaking of a heartbreaking moment between her younger sister, Rhonda, and the 50-year-old actor-comedian – who succumbed to complications from pneumonia in a Chicago hospital at 2 a.m. Saturday – Mary Ann Grossett says that the night before Mac died, "He struggled for his life. He couldn't breathe.

While a Chicago legend passes away; everyone will remember his comedy. "You have lovely hands. Do you moisturize (very funny)?"

Chicago Funnies

RIP Bernie Mac

Who is Living the Longest?

Common sense might tell a wise person to find out who is being most successful in a topic or field and copy or learn from them. So in the field of who is living the longest, we have to find out who and perhaps do some of the things (if not all), that they do.

And it turns out Japanese women are out living everyone on the planet.

New Delhi, August 7 : Japanese women have topped the world's longevity ranks for 23 years on the back of healthy food habits and tight social ties, among other factors. They have a 23 year streak at it; so it's not new at all.

A Japanese Health Ministry report suggests that girls born last year can expect to live until they are 86 years old, which would make them the longest survivors in the world. That is comforting as a statistic; that you'll live to be 86 years of age.

The report also suggests that boys born in 2007 can expect to live until they are 79.2 years old, ranking third after Iceland and Hong Kong. Government data shows that a tenth of Japan's population is aged 75 years or older.

So there you have it. This is good because many countries have lots of people dying young due to disease, sexual disease, accidents, murder, etc. This shows that the Japanese are avoiding a great deal of those problems. Hey let's send a Chicago ambassador out there to take some notes. Then again, surviving a Japanese game show didn't excite me too much.

I did notice the contestants were all Americans...(funny).

Chicago Funnies Live in Japan

Richard Provenzano