Friday, August 8, 2008

Who is Living the Longest?

Common sense might tell a wise person to find out who is being most successful in a topic or field and copy or learn from them. So in the field of who is living the longest, we have to find out who and perhaps do some of the things (if not all), that they do.

And it turns out Japanese women are out living everyone on the planet.

New Delhi, August 7 : Japanese women have topped the world's longevity ranks for 23 years on the back of healthy food habits and tight social ties, among other factors. They have a 23 year streak at it; so it's not new at all.

Dual Action Cleanse

A Japanese Health Ministry report suggests that girls born last year can expect to live until they are 86 years old, which would make them the longest survivors in the world. That is comforting as a statistic; that you'll live to be 86 years of age.

The report also suggests that boys born in 2007 can expect to live until they are 79.2 years old, ranking third after Iceland and Hong Kong. Government data shows that a tenth of Japan's population is aged 75 years or older.

So there you have it. This is good because many countries have lots of people dying young due to disease, sexual disease, accidents, murder, etc. This shows that the Japanese are avoiding a great deal of those problems. Hey let's send a Chicago ambassador out there to take some notes. Then again, surviving a Japanese game show didn't excite me too much.

I did notice the contestants were all Americans...(funny).

Chicago Funnies Live in Japan

Richard Provenzano

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Blacks: You Wanted it; You Got it!

CHICAGO (CNN) -- The House of Reps on Tuesday passed a resolution apologizing to African-Americans for slavery and the era of Jim Crow.

While many states have apologized for slavery, it is the first time a branch of the federal government has done so, an aide to Cohen said.

Text of Actual Address:

HOR (House of Reps): Yo our bad for the treatment of your forefathers. Our forefathers kinda (kind of) just got beside themselves for 500 plus years.

Blacks: Okay. Thank you for recognizing it our disgrace & shame, and your forefathers brutal acts towards us.

HOR: So we're straight?

Blacks: Yes, everything is fine. Thank you and goodnight.

HOR: Dang, that's all it took. Gees we could've done this crap years ago...
(Noise - pandemonium)
Audio shuts off

The resolution does not address the controversial issue of reparations. Some members of the African-American community have called on lawmakers to give cash payments or other financial benefits to descendants of slaves as compensation for the suffering caused by slavery.

The House of Reps mention all restoration payment and financial benefits have been depleted towards victims of the Hurricane Katrina (not Funny, I know)
It is not the first time lawmakers have apologized to an ethnic group for injustices.

In April, the Senate passed a resolution sponsored by Sen. Sam Brownback, R-Kansas, that apologized to Native Americans for "the many instances of violence, maltreatment and neglect."
In 1993 the Senate also passed a resolution apologizing for the "illegal overthrow" of the Kingdom of Hawaii in 1893.

In 1988, Congress passed and President Reagan signed an act apologizing to the 120,000 Japanese-Americans who were held in detention camps during World War II. The 60,000 detainees who were alive at the time each received $20,000 from the government.

But we're straight now? Right?
Chicago Funnies
Due Daniels

Is 50 Million from Europe ok King James?

I might consider it to, if a European based firm wanted me to come do a "European Funnies" for $50 Million for one year...yeah I'd at least consider it. Same thing a source close to Lebron James said about James playing professional basketball in Europe.

James' contract with the Cavs expires following the 2009-10 season. Given the limited salary cap space most any NBA team has to work with, paying $50 million a year for one player -- even James -- is unlikely.

Apple Online Store

Not in Europe, not with the Euro, and not with less taxes taken out. Previously the highest paid player for one year of basketball was Michael Jordan (remember him), who grossed a $40M meal ticket from the Chicago Bulls.

The website reports the Russian team CSKA Moscow and the Greek team Oympiakos have already contacted James, but no contractual talks have transpired.

Come talk to us "European Funnies" in the more specifc... German Funnies...(not funny)

Chicago Funnies
Randall Watson

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Mary Kate Olsen Drugged the Joker?

CHICAGO FUNNIES - The Feds want to ask Mary-Kate Olsen about how Heath Ledger got two powerful painkillers that were responsible to his accidental drug overdose death, but she's refusing to talk without immunity, a law enforcement official said Monday.

Many African Americans wish they knew the law like Mary-Kate, and get immunity. "I will tell you how the drugs got in his pocket if I get immunity (funny)." Not sure that's going to work any time soon.
Olsen's lawyer has twice refused requests for her to speak with investigators, said the official, who spoke on condition of anonymity because the investigation was ongoing. The lawyer, Michael C. Miller, said the "Full House" actress has nothing to do with the drugs, and has already told the government everything she knows.
"We have provided the government with relevant information including facts in the chronology of events surrounding Mr. Ledger's death," Miller said in a statement Monday, "and the fact that Ms. Olsen does not know the source of the drugs Mr. Ledger consumed."
The official confirmed a report that Olsen wants a promise of immunity from prosecution before speaking to the Drug Enforcement Administration. Olsen was a close friend of Ledger's, and was the first person called by a masseuse who found the 28-year-old "Dark Knight" actor's lifeless body in his Manhattan apartment.
-I didn't know that - she guilty...uh huh , she guilty (not funny). Not too fast, everyone is innocent until proven guilty in a court of law - but guilty until proven innocent in the minds of the average joe (including average joes at Chicago Funnies).
Hank Laiden

Monday, August 4, 2008

Farve Back with Green Bay Packers

This isn't funny to Chicago - Brett Favre, 3 time MVP is back with the GB Packers. Those in different countries may or may not know about the rivalry between the Bears and Packers - but what you may have heard is the ongoing events with Brett Farve coming out of retirement.


The Green Bay Packers called his bluff; and Farve wasn't bluffing. The big question now is will he be the main go-to-guy, or will the stuff the future hall of famer on the bench?

Aaron Rodgers, Farve's back up for the last 3 years says he is ready to compete this year:
"I’m a competitor. I’m going to compete,” Rodgers said after a scrimmage Sunday night. “This isn’t going to be easy. It’s going to be a dogfight. And I know if they do open it up to competition, not a lot of people give me a chance, but I believe in myself and I’m going to be the best I can be and let coach decide from there.”

Good luck with that. Packers can still trade Farve or make him eat on the bench - whatever the end result is Chicago Funnies want the Chicago Bears to beat the Packers, no matter who is leading them.

Chicago Funnies
Randall W.