Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Bush "Indian-Gives" a Pardon

WASHINGTON – on Wednesday President George W. Bush revoked a pardon he had granted only a day before — a step unheard of in recent memory — after learning in news reports of political contributions to Republicans by the man's father and other information.

Bush pardoned 19 people on Tuesday, including Isaac Robert Toussie of Brooklyn, N.Y., who had been convicted of making false statementsto the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development and of mail fraud. On Wednesday, the White House issued an extraordinary statement saying the president was reversing his decision in Toussie's case.

If this isn't getting the wool pulled over your eyes; I don't know what is.  You are promised a pardon then you're told to, "it ain't going to happen pal," by the man who recently had two size ten shoes thrown at him.  What's that like in the slammer?

If getting a pardon out of jail is anything like winning the lottery on your job this isn't going to be pretty.  I remember when I thought I won the lottery; I bought cake with a lot of whip cream, and I brought in a bunch of stink bombs.  I pretended to have a very special announcement to tell my boss and co workers along with the 'higher ups' and I took the cake and splat it in my bosses face.

Then I went around the room in a monologue that insulted every co worker I didn't like and my rant didn't end there.  I told the 'higher ups' they should come down and visit more often because they stink up there; and I proceeded to let off my stink bombs.  Lastly, I told them if they hadn't noticed, "I'm quitting." I jumped upon the table and did various 80s dances as I stormed out the room.

When I went home and read the numbers again; I realized I was in a bit of a jam.  I hadn't won the lotto (hence why I'm working for the Chicago Funnies).  To go back to work the next day; I went straight to the boss and said I meant everything I said yesterday, but I was filled with joy and free emotion.  I told him "I had won the lottery and would no longer NEED to work here; but that it doesn't mean I should turn into a snobbish idiot over it.  I'd like to keep working for a little while until the money makes no sense to keep coming."  He agreed; but the 'higher ups' couldn't deal with it and fired my ass a week later.

So I'm trying to imagine Isaac Robert Toussie of Brooklyn, N.Y as he was told about his pardon; what did he tell fellow inmates.  If he did anything like me; and now has his pardon revoked; I don't even want to know his welcome back speech (not funny).  He's lucky he did a white collar crime it may be easier to cope with.

Randall Watson

Chicago Funnies

Monday, December 22, 2008

Which Way Did It Go...

WASHINGTON – It's something any bank would demand to know before handing out a loan: Where's the money going? But after receiving billions in aid from U.S. taxpayers, the nation's largest banks say they can't track exactly how they're spending the money or they simply refuse to discuss it.

"We've lent some of it. We've not lent some of it. We've not given any accounting of, 'Here's how we're doing it,'" said Thomas Kelly, a spokesman for JPMorgan Chase, which received $25 billion in emergency bailout money. "We have not disclosed that to the public. We're declining to."

Banks are not telling where the money is going.  I thought this was weird; it's kinda weird right?  I bail you out of a jam with cash and you don't have to tell me what you're doing with the money?  "Hey Randy; I need 5,000 dollars because my home has a roof problem."  "Okay here's 5k."

"So did you get that roof fixed?"  "Uh not yet!"

"Are you working on it at least?"  "Uh you don't need to know the accounting on where I spend the money you loan me.!"

If that conversation makes sense; then by all means keep it coming.

But no bank provided even the most basic accounting for the federal money.

"We're choosing not to disclose that," said Kevin Heine, spokesman for Bank of New York Mellon, which received about $3 billion.

They are choosing not to disclose.  Probably will show that the CEO has two or ten new cars and jets; and his daughter just got the biggest sweet sixteen party thrown for her...

I guess this is what the people want.  The Feds have been sticking it to people in the past; the banks are just getting them back (with our money) for us.  Way to go Banks.

Randall Watson

Chicago Funnies