Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Bush "Indian-Gives" a Pardon


WASHINGTON – on Wednesday President George W. Bush revoked a pardon he had granted only a day before — a step unheard of in recent memory — after learning in news reports of political contributions to Republicans by the man's father and other information.

Bush pardoned 19 people on Tuesday, including Isaac Robert Toussie of Brooklyn, N.Y., who had been convicted of making false statementsto the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development and of mail fraud. On Wednesday, the White House issued an extraordinary statement saying the president was reversing his decision in Toussie's case.

If this isn't getting the wool pulled over your eyes; I don't know what is.  You are promised a pardon then you're told to, "it ain't going to happen pal," by the man who recently had two size ten shoes thrown at him.  What's that like in the slammer?

If getting a pardon out of jail is anything like winning the lottery on your job this isn't going to be pretty.  I remember when I thought I won the lottery; I bought cake with a lot of whip cream, and I brought in a bunch of stink bombs.  I pretended to have a very special announcement to tell my boss and co workers along with the 'higher ups' and I took the cake and splat it in my bosses face.

Then I went around the room in a monologue that insulted every co worker I didn't like and my rant didn't end there.  I told the 'higher ups' they should come down and visit more often because they stink up there; and I proceeded to let off my stink bombs.  Lastly, I told them if they hadn't noticed, "I'm quitting." I jumped upon the table and did various 80s dances as I stormed out the room.

When I went home and read the numbers again; I realized I was in a bit of a jam.  I hadn't won the lotto (hence why I'm working for the Chicago Funnies).  To go back to work the next day; I went straight to the boss and said I meant everything I said yesterday, but I was filled with joy and free emotion.  I told him "I had won the lottery and would no longer NEED to work here; but that it doesn't mean I should turn into a snobbish idiot over it.  I'd like to keep working for a little while until the money makes no sense to keep coming."  He agreed; but the 'higher ups' couldn't deal with it and fired my ass a week later.

So I'm trying to imagine Isaac Robert Toussie of Brooklyn, N.Y as he was told about his pardon; what did he tell fellow inmates.  If he did anything like me; and now has his pardon revoked; I don't even want to know his welcome back speech (not funny).  He's lucky he did a white collar crime it may be easier to cope with.

Randall Watson

Chicago Funnies


2 comments:

Jackpot said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
DJ GQ said...

welcome back speech..."uh, hey pals...i'm back in this piece! i got pardonned and everything but once a gee always a gee so i'm back...pass the cigarettes fool"