Apprentice 's Omarosa Takes It to Seminary - CF

Impressive news out of Ohio where Apprentice star Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth, has reportedly enrolled in Theological Seminary.

Why is this interesting? Omarosa has been known as a diva villain on television. Many say she will be right at home among female black ministers (that's not from Chicago Funnies by the way).

People have to remember that Omarosa was a very intelligent person and had it not been for her celebrity; she would have followed the steps of Condoleeza Rice in the White House.

I don't think President Obama nor first Lady Michelle Obama would put up with her attitude, nonetheless.

Randall Watson
Chicago Funnies


Apprent ice 's Omarosa Takes Attitude to Seminary - Gossip News Briefs | Newser

Dad Finds Baby Boy Alive Inside Coffin

Imagine being told your new born child was born still; and was pronounced dead at birth! Now imagine the new baby coffin that the hospital ordered for him or her comes in and they place the baby in it and prepare to take the child to the near by cemetary.

Then as you say your final good bye's; you notice the child is breathing.

This is what happened to a Paraguayan man who found his baby son alive inside his coffin hours after he was pronounced dead!

The medical staff there called it a miracle and so did the dad.

You do know what this does for everyone who loses a friend...we're all going to be double checking probably for up to 30 days before we put someone away!

Randall Watson
Chicago Funnies

Dad Finds Baby Boy Alive Inside Coffin - World News Briefs | Newser

Shared via AddThis

Women Super-Glue Privates of Cheating Hubby - Crime & Courts News Briefs | Newser

More weird news today; 4 women have been charged with felonies for apparently setting up a womanizing husband in a motel and SUPER gluing his "Johnson" to his tummy. The act was a vengeful act acting adulteress, and womanizing behavior.

Lorraina Bobbit has sparked the world of women who take action against the poor little "wee-wee" who only works at the command of the brain. Shouldn't the man's brain be glued to a table or his eyes glued shut; because it was his brain and thoughts that spurred the action of cheating with these women's hearts.

Why take it out on the part of the body that had absolutely nothing to do with the final judgement (funny)? It is equivalent to gluing the baseball bat to the ground of a man who is beating someone with the bat.

The bat is the tool; the brain, is the real attacker.

Randall Watson
Chicago Funnies

read story below
Women Super-Glue Privates of Cheating Hubby - Crime & Courts News Briefs | Newser

Shared via AddThis

Unemployed Grad Sues College for Tuition - US News Briefs | Newser

Interesting news here; a student grad who cannot find work sues her school her college (Monroe College) for the $70k tuition.

If this is held up, Sallie Mae and will be out of business and colleges across the board will be in big trouble.

The thing is no instituition offers a guarantee upon finishing school because in the J-O-B world, there are no guarantees.

The school will most likely win because they will tell her to get out of states with high unemployment rates.

Read the full article here - Unemployed Grad Sues College for Tuition - US News Briefs | Newser

Shared via AddThis

A Confession to Death...or Not!

This just in from Newser.com a man who had a stroke, confessed on his "what he thought to be his death bed" that he had killed a man in 1977 or so. Thinking he would not recover, the great God of Heaven pulled a miracle for him and had him recover one hundred percent? Now he faces murder charges (not funny). This is one where you say to yourself; "just die already!"

Man Faces Murder Charge After 'Deathbed' Confession Published Tuesday, March 24, 2009 5:08:05 AM An Oklahoma man's effort to leave the world with a clear conscience has left him facing a murder charge after his premature "deathbed" confession, the Independent reports. The man, believing he he was moments from death after suffering a stroke, called police from the hospital and confessed to killing a neighbor in Tennessee 32 years ago. He later recovered and surrendered to authorities. More »

Chicago Funnies

Randall Watson

Michael Jackson Dies at 50

LOS ANGELES – Michael Jackson, the sensationally gifted child star who rose to become the "King of Pop" and the biggest celebrity in the world only to fall from his throne in a freakish series of scandals, died Thursday. He was 50. Jackson died at UCLA Medical Center in Los Angeles. Ed Winter, the assistant chief coroner for Los Angeles County, confirmed his office had been notified of the death and would handle the investigation.

Michael Jackson dies at age 50! I grew up with three main celebrities that practically raised me outside of my parents. Because my dad worked so many hours; I like many other kids looked to celebrities for our influence.

Michael Jackson Dies at 50

None of Your Own US Business

I was watching a news program this morning regarding the destruction going on in Iran; and news casters are saying we are going to see what President Barack Obama will about this. I don't know if if it is me; but what does Barack have to do with Iran's elections?

Iran says at least 17 protesters have died in a week of unrest, including at least 10 killed in confrontations the day after Khamenei's speech. While this is unfortunate; but if there were riots after Barack defeated John (McCain) here in United States, would Iran's media be asking their president what he is going to do about it?

The US should be minding their own business. The last time we stuck out nose in another countries business; we lost over 10,000 troops in Iraq. I just do not see why it is the US's business and not the United Nations? Can someone help the Chicago Funnies understand so we can make funny of it properly?

Randall Watson

Chicago Funnies
--
Peace & Grace

*Build a recession proof business online. Visit www.MakeMoneyHourly.com

No Kisses No Diploma

Here is odd news today. A high school boy received his high school diploma and blew a kiss to his mom and bowed in thanking the applause and the school has revolted his diploma.

No kisses or No diploma the school declares the high school administration. They couldn't have come to my high school graduation as some students did break dances in their excitement. The mother of the child is very upset and I can see and understand why. It is not like he flashed the middle finger at the audience.

Chicago Funnies

Randall Watson

*Build a recession proof business online. Visit MakeMoneyHourly.com

Frog Worshiped as a god in India - World News Briefs | Newser

Interesting news out of India, a frog that changes colors from green to white, and even to gold has picked up followers and started a congregation in India.  People have piled in to worship Kermit the Frog, because his ability to change clothes right in front of their face.

It's fascinating how gullible people are, espcially the people of India, who at one point starved themselves because they couldn't eat what Harry Carey called a "holy- cow."  Now we have a "holy frog" and I do not want to think what is next.

By night the frog was dark yellow, and then it became transparent so you could see its internal organs.- Lift worker Reji Kumar, who found the frog in a flower bed

That is wonderful and all, but I would, and it's just me, worship the one who made the frog...it is a creature right?  It was created then.  But that's just my take on it.

Randall Watson

Chicago Funnies

Hue-Changing Frog Worshiped as God in India - World News Briefs | Newser


Posted using ShareThis

Shaking Hands with the Winner

Many people are upset with Cleveland Cavs superstar Lebron James for his actions of not shaking hands with the Orlando Magic after the Magic defeated James and the Cavs.  

This is what James had to say about it:

"It's hard for me to congratulate somebody after you just lose to them," he said. "I'm a winner. It's not being a poor sport or anything like that. If somebody beats you up, you're not going to congratulate them. That doesn't make sense to me. I'm a competitor. That's what I do. It doesn't make sense for me to go over and shake somebody's hand."

Do you agree?  As a former player, when the emotions are thick and you were hearing a lot of talk on the court and you got beat up, it is difficult to congratulate them on the spot.  But because we live in a world where everything has to be fair (but not fair), and we have to do things for the kids, we have to suffer and do these things not to appear barbaric.

I mean you go to war with a country and you have to spare men and treat prisoners good.  The same prisoners that if they escaped, they would kill you in a heartbeat.

So after a ball game, shake hands to show the kids that it's okay to lose, no matter how upset you are.  Two boxers in the ring going at it; one guy bloodying up the other, and afterwards we want the guy who has two closed up eyes, two broken ribs, missing teeth, and bloody nose to come over to the other guy and force him to say congrats.  That's kind of weird, awkward, and shaky to me in my book.  What do you think?

Randall W.

Chicago Funnies
--

*Build a recession proof business online. Visit www.MakeMoneyHourly.com

Televising Pool

I'm starting to see why the sport of Pool is beginning to be televised and becoming a watched sport.  Open the sport to women, and get a few fine ones in and boom you have an audience.  

Now the next step is to work on and make uniforms that will attract more viewers.  Most men may be thinking along the lines I am.  Televising pool would be an instance money maker for TV stations.

 

Jeanette Lee is an exceptional player and this view with this uniform (regular clothing) does her no justice.  Just imagine her in a 'BayWatch' special!

 

I know she is the "black widow" of the sport, however I am sure someone has designed a black bikini before.  I am not suggesting they wear bikini's but if you take a look at the stances and positions it takes to play pool; you can understand why a bikini uniform would be so awesome.

I'm sure I sound like a high school kid; it is my intention. 

 

Jeanette, would you be interested in transforming the sport of pool?  If you are a trend setter and want to take pool to where Michael Jordan took basketball; contact Chicago Funnies and we'll love to help you and the sport of women's pool.

Randall Watson

Chicago Funnies

Visit www.MakeMoneyHourly.com 

Violence on the Mag Mile

Police are investigating two separate crimes that occurred on the Magnificent Mile -- including an armed robbery of a clothing store -- that occurred Wednesday and Tuesday.

The armed robbery occurred about 9:30 p.m. Wednesday at 540 N. Michigan Ave., police News Affairs Officer Amina Greer said.

If this is what is going on the Magnificent Mile; I don't want to even think about what's going on in the outskirts of the city.  Last week someone was shot by police in the street.  Are people getting this desperate that they will take the violence to the most popular spots of the city?  I'd keep an eye on this

Randall Watson Reporting

Chicago Funnies

--
Peace & Grace

*I'm building a recession proof online business.  Would you like to join me?
Visit www.MakeMoneyHourly.com

Invite Me When I Lose

Funny story of the day comes from Pittsburgh super defensive star James Harrison (the guy who ran back 100 yard run in the Super Bowl and fell out); yes he has recently declined to go to the White House to meet the President, the tradition for the winners of national sport programs.

The reason for his decline is rather funny.  From his blog Harrison notes:

"This is how I feel -- if you want to see the Pittsburgh Steelers, invite us when we don't win the Super Bowl. As far as I'm concerned, he [Obama] would've invited Arizona if they had won."

So Harrison is starting a new crusade in the world or at least his world, where the losing team gets to go greet and meet the President.  Along with that, the losing team takes home the awards, money, and accolades.  This is not a bad idea; it is really going to pay to lose and balances off.  Kids can shake hands that m

uch better when they lose because they will be rewarded; and the winners will only have the gratification that they won; but won no reward.

Thanks Mr. Harrison for this new revolution.  Chicago Funnies will take a new stance on funny news and will now award our Hog Head Dummy (I mean Funny) of the day.  James Harrison the Hog Head Funny of the Day!

Our runner up is John Lackey of the California Angels for throwing two pitches before being tossed out.  Come on down John and meet the Chicago Funnies!
--
Randy Watson

*Building a recession proof online business.  Join Today!?
Visit www.MakeMoneyHourly.com

Pirates Gunned Down

The pirates that hijacked a ship with US men aboard has been gunned down and the Captain has been retained and brought to safety.  This is a rather excellent story and not so funny.  The pirate  that was not killed explained his frustration in his disadvantage with the snipers that he had to operate with one eye, and a hook for a right hand.

While this is a strange disadvantage, we do not care, here at Chicago Funnies, to see how it would have turned out if the pirate didn't have a hook and a patch over his right eye.

Chicago Funnies

Roland Burris in the News Again!

Roland Burris back in the news again for allegedly lying to the senate counsel.  Apparently, he withheld information because it wasn't answered correctly.  So he didn't lie; he just did a Sarah Palin and didn't answer the question.  And he is being scrutinized by the media.

This has the US Senator in the hot seat with many asking him to resign and be brought up on charges of perjury.

Sen. Roland Burris only casually flagged Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid and Sen. Dick Durbin about the affidavit he sent to the Illinois House impeachment committee -- the one where he came clean about multiple contacts with ousted Gov. Blagojevich's brother Rob asking him for fund-raising help.

This is what the brothers do to their "baby mamas" when she ask “did you go out with Shenicka?”

He waits then replies, "I went out with some friends."  If she doesn't follow up by asking specifically which friends, then he would get by, but when she brings it up later and says “I asked you if you went out with Shenicka, and you said 'no' now you saying you did.”

He would simply reply, “I didn't say no, I said I went out with some friends – friends like Shenicka, Latoya, Denise, Patrice, Monica, and Adrian were out and I said I went out with some friends.”  So is he guilty for perjury?  Not exactly, but he would be guilty for withheld information, vital information and the follow up questions were not asked.

I'm interested to see how this pans out.

Randall Watson

Chicago Funnies

Stimulus Bill Passed

WASHINGTON – Financial institutions that received federal bailout money and paid large executive bonuses would be required to compensate taxpayers under the economic stimulus bill approved by the Senate.

The $838 billion measure includes an amendment penalizing companies that paid bonuses greater than $100,000 to executives after receiving government rescue funds last year. The amendment would require the companies to repay within four months any portion of the bonus above $100,000 or face an excise tax of 35 percent on the portion of the bonus above $100,000.

The Senate approved the stimulus bill 61-37 on Tuesday, setting up negotiations with the House, which passed a slightly different version last week.

Uh; when do I get my check so I can stimulate my mind; I mean the economy?

Randall Watson

Chicago Funnies

Erykay "Twitter Everything" Badu Gives Birth

We officially know that the Internet has changed the world. Blogging, twitter, and instant messaging addicts can take a back seat to my girl Erykah Badu!

That's right Eryka "don't forget the 'H' Badu welcomed her third child Sunday, her rep confirms to Usmagazine.com.

"Erykah gave birth to a baby girl at her home on February 1, 2009 at 1:30 p.m.," the rep tells Us. "The baby's father, [rapper] Jay Electronica, and her two children were in attendance.

"The Grammy-winning singer and Electronica sent Twitter messages throughout their daughter's birth, MTV News reports."Morning, I'm in labor," Badu announced to her 4,500 followers on Sunday.

The midwife got annoyed a few times as she asked for a push and Erykah responded, "bitch hold on I'm sending a twitter."

Electronica also announced that Erykah "I have my babies by rappers" Badu's daughter Puma, 7, with rapper D.O.C., and Seven, 10, her son with rapper/artist Andre 3000 , were present, and that he was writing updates while rubbing his girlfriend's feet.

This is an extraordinary story. Chicago Funnies congratulates Erykah "incoming live on TV; I mean the Internet play-by-by birth" Badu on her 3rd child.

Chicago Funnies

Randall Watson

Heart Break Hotel for the Cardinals

Bad news for the St. Louis Cardinals in there heart break loss to the Pittsburgh Pirates or Steelers rather. In what many thought was the comeback of a lifetime for Kurt Warner and wide receiver Larry Fitzgerald; they came up runners up.

They fought hard but came up short 27-23 at last nights super bowl contest. And we have a correction above, it is the Arizona Cardinals and not St. Louis.

The real story for today is that a host of Catholic priest cardinals decided to place a friendly wager on the game against inmates who were in jail for strong arm robbery, stealing.

So it was the 'stealers verse the cardinals. The winners were to switch settings for a week. I don't think those cardinals want to be inmates at all; but I'm sure the stealers won't mind being cardinals for day...

"Come to me my son, tell me where your bank account is...and your bed room..."

Randall Watson

Chicago Funnies

Governor Rod Blagojevich Is Out!

Rod R. Blagojevich is the 40Th governor of Illinois. He was first elected in 2002 and was re-elected in 2006. Blagojevich was born in Chicago in 1956. He graduated from Northwestern University in 1979 and earned his law degree from Pepperdine in 1983. Prior to being elected governor, Blagojevich was a Cook County Assistant State's Attorney. He was elected to the U.S. House of Representatives in 1996.

All this means nothing to the former Governor who was thrust out of office today.  For one or two hours today, I and the people of Illinois were without a a governor.  The senate voted him out 59-0!  Wow, Rod did not have a friend in the world.  You would think he had at least one senator or state rep to say, "Rod I got you main, 58-1 man..."

No; not one.  Now we in Illinois are without a king, without an ephod, without symbols.  A moment of silence for the ousted Gov...It's very disappoint... - shhhh!!!

View Rod on the View

Randall Watson

Chicago Funnies

Every Woman Wants to Be Her

It was a fantastic evening; the President was Inaugurated and sworn in and the parade took place standing in the cold; and finally the ball room dances.

Every guy wanted to be him; every woman wanted to Michelle.  They looked so nice and I was very happy and pleased with the occasion.  Congratulations to our new President and First Lady, Barack & Michelle Obama!!!!!!

Now if I can get my wife to clap for me once for anything, I promise to blog about how it felt so other normal guys can share my experience (hope she doesn't read this).

Chicago Funnies

Randall Watson

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Day

From Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. to President (Elect) Barack Obama; America and the world has seen a big change.

Chicago Funnies congratulates America in it's progression and salutes Dr. King for his struggle to impart civil rights in a country that was founded on civil rights and equal opportunity for all man kind.

These men are true leaders; true fighters for equality, and true African Americans (especially Obama -mom American, dad African).

Happy Martin Luther King Jr. day from Chicago Funnies.

Randall Watson

Height Conscious

This really isn't news but it was a funny thought in a photo and a helpful reminder to short guys and gals to be conscious of who they hang with and pose in a picture with.

~Grow Taller Today!~

If you remember the funny Katt Williams joke that when he met Shaq, he was starring directing at Shaq's...you know what.

At any rate, we thought this photo would give short people the awareness to know who they are posing in pictures with. This guy (in the red shirt on Lebron's right (your left)) posing next to NBA star Lebron James, finds himself pointing at Lebron's...well you know what (not funny for him).

This is just a public service announcement to be 'height conscious' or to have height awareness. Thank you.

Randall Watson
Chicago Funnies

What is Your Part-Time Job

What a story out of Poland where a man finds out his wife's unsuspecting part-time job.

WARSAW (Reuters) - A Polish man got the shock of his life when he visited a brothel and spotted his wife among the establishment's employees.

Economy woes goes global as polish man finds wife working at a brothel (whore house)...question is what were both of them doing there? Maybe she should of got that side gig as a grocery bagger instead of a man bagger (not even funny).

Times MUST be tough when your side job is being a prostitute...makes you wonder what is her full time job, a librarian (funny)? This is really taking letting the hair down after work to a new level!

We were able to get special transcripts of the husband and a co worker's conversation at his day job the day he found out his wife's unsuspecting job.

~Guys Get a Date Easily with These Tips~

Husband: Since my wife got this part time job I haven't gotten any play (sexual intimacy)!Coworker: Really? where does she work?

Husband: A grocery store, shes the demonstrator in the produce section
Coworker: She must be on her feet all day so probably just tired when she gets home

Husband: How tiring can showing people melons be? Any hoot, I'm heading home, got to make a stop before I get there, see you tomorrow
Coworker: Goodnight; and good luck.

Husband arrives at brothel on the way home:

Attendant: How can I help you?
Husband: What's the special?

Attendant: Well we have this new part time chick
Husband: Oh let me at her....

Wife enters

Husband: What are you doing here!!!!?
Wife: What are you doing here (covering up)!!!

Silence...

Husband: Well...You look good...we might as well do this one more time for the road!

The couple, married for 14 years, are now divorcing, the newspaper reported. What a surprise.


Randall Watson
Chicago Funnies

Mr. Roland Burris with Dirt on His Shoulder

Happy New Year; first blog of the year starts with a scandal...yeah I know right!

Roland Burris was appointed by the scandal plagued Governor Rod Blagojevich.  This has created an uproar within the state, the democratic party, nationally, even in my home.

It's just a weird situation.  Rod is innocent until proven guilty but to allow him to pick is risky.  What if he is found guilty?  Do we revolt Burris?

This is the scenario I have played in my head.  You have Lucifer in heaven and corruption is found in him and he is going to be removed from his seat.  Before he leaves, he appoints another demon because that was his job.  

Now I'm not calling the governor Lucifer or Satan; and I'm not calling Roland Burris a demon.  I actually like both of these guys.  However; I am saying the situation is similar to the one found in Revelation 12 (Bible class is coming in handy here).

Would God let Satan make that pick?  Different government; different beings, I know.  In this current case, because the way the government is ran; Governor Rod Blagojevich still has this power no matter how corrupt he's been and we have to go along with it; business as usual.

At worse, in my opinion, of the candidates heard on the FBI spy taps; they should not be an option; but after that if the Governor selects a well qualified man or woman; I think it should fly.  Until he is proven guilty he is signing other bills right?  Tell me what you think?

Due Daniels

Chicago Funnies